


Badge Of Pride II: Snapshots Of The Mind

by BradyGirl_12



Series: Badge Of Pride [2]
Category: due South
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, First Dates, Food, Homophobia, Lunch, M/M, Male Slash, Restaurants, Romance, Series, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-06-02
Updated: 2001-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-10 09:59:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11124843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BradyGirl_12/pseuds/BradyGirl_12
Summary: Benny remembers happier days.





	1. Hearts Of Gold

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. Original pseudonym: Gilda Lily.
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, Alliance does, more's the pity.
> 
>  
> 
> Author's Notes: This new series is an AU, a different version of American and Canadian history. The words *"It could happen here"* spring to mind. 
> 
>  
> 
> Story Notes: Pairing: Benny/Ray V.  
> Categories: Drama, AU.  
> Rating: PG.
> 
> * * *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rosa reflects on her son's relationship with Benny.

Benny awoke with a start, then relaxed as he realized that he was in Ray's bedroom. 

_Their bedroom_. Words that always made him feel proud. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe without gasping. The pain in his chest sliced through his lungs and he coughed. Footsteps sounded in the hallway and the door opened. 

* * *

"How are you, _caro_?" asked Rosa. 

Benny answered after coughing, "A little under the weather, Ma." 

Rosa smiled. It had taken awhile for Benny to feel comfortable calling his lover's mother by the name all her children called her, but now he did it without embarrassment. She hid her anxiety as she took in his feverish blue eyes and sweat-sheened skin. She put a hand on his forehead and felt the little trickle of fear that was becoming a daily routine. Still hot. 

"Time for your medicine, eh?" She got the bottle and he dutifully took the spoonfuls, so much like a little boy that her heart ached. Her Raymondo had always been a complainer when sick but she had never minded. He had been a good little boy and had suffered much at the hands of his father, so a little griping when ill never bothered her. It was her son's way to complain and groan and moan, but he was tender as a marshmallow underneath. 

With Benton, she wondered about his childhood. He seemed so absurdly grateful for any little attention by her. He was quiet and obedient and while he would start to assert himself in that quiet way when he felt better, he would still obey her and Ray. 

"Would you like something to eat, _caro_?" 

He shook his head as he coughed again. "No, ma'am, but may I please have one of my photo albums?" 

"Certainly." Rosa walked to the bureau and opened a drawer. "Number one all right?" 

"Yes, ma'am." 

Rosa took out the treasured possession. 

"Thank you kindly," he said, reverently taking the album from her. 

"Enjoy, Benton. I will be downstairs if you need me." 

Rosa closed the door quietly and leaned against it for a moment, closing her eyes. Her son's beloved was still sick. 

Her heart lifted as she thought of the albums: all were meticulously arranged according to event and date, the dates handwritten on the back of each photograph the work of Benton. Her Ray was neat but when it came to pictures, he would have just left them in the envelopes that had come from the camera shop and if he had time, would have dated the pictures. As soon as each roll of film came back and was oohed and aahed over, Benton took the photographs and wrote all the pertinent information on them. 

There were six albums of ordered photographs by now, and the wedding album had the place of honor, along with videotapes and a few old-fashioned rolls of projector film. 

Rosa pushed away from the door and went slowly down the stairs, her work-roughened hand gripping the balustrade. She knew that she should condemn her son and the man in his bed for what they were. The Church and society said that she should. The neighborhood said that she should. Just two weeks before Benton had fallen ill, he and Raymondo had spent a Saturday repainting the part of the house that had been vandalized with homophobic slurs. 

Yet she didn't have the heart to do it. Benton was such a good boy, like her Raymondo. Yes, they sinned, but could anyone with hearts of gold like those two really be such bad sinners? She entered the living room, deep in thought. 

She saw one of her neighbors pass the house. The woman made a gesture: warding off the 'evil eye'. Suddenly furious, Rosa hurried to the front door and yanked it open. 

"Antoinette Delgado, have you nothing better to do than make hateful gestures at my family's house?!" 

The other woman's face contorted into a sneer. "As long as your family keeps _puttana_ , yes." 

Rosa spat her fury and Mrs. Delgado laughed, continuing on her journey. With trembling hands, Rosa slammed the door. 

She willed herself to stop shaking, fury and sorrow and frustration all rolled up into one. She glanced up the staircase. She hoped that Benton hadn't heard that nasty exchange. She squared her shoulders and marched into the kitchen and set her mind to preparing lunch.* 

* * *


	2. The Gold Leaf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny recalls the early days of his romance with Ray.

After Rosa left, he opened the album. Dief padded over and pushed at Benny's arm. 

"Certainly, you may look." Benny gazed at the first picture. "Some kind American tourists took our picture that day in Toronto..." 

* * *

// _In the autumn of 1979, Benton Fraser had been summoned to his commanding officer's office and told, "The RCMP is entering into a special liaison program with the Americans. Our first officer is a man from the Chicago Police Department. He's a patrolman, but his record suggest that he'll be making detective in a few years. He is to be based in Toronto for the next year, and you will be his contact on the force. The brass decided that we needed some cooperation and learning between men who are in the trenches every day while in uniform instead of making this a program for detectives. I don't have his name, but he'll be at the 36th Precinct by noon. Better hike it over there."_

_"Yes, sir."_

Ben enjoyed the walk to the Precinct. He was dressed in his brown uniform, a twenty-year-old with over a year of Northwest Territory duty under his belt. He'd only been stationed here for six months and still found it difficult to adjust to this big city. 

He was curious about the American he was to work with for the next year. He wished that his superior had possessed the name of the man, but apparently he'd been named at the last minute and no details beyond an impressive record had been forwarded. 

Ben had met Americans before. He had even met a few in the Territories years ago, but had enjoyed semi-regular contact with all the Yankee tourists and businesspeople here in Toronto. He wondered if this American would be abrasive or polite. It seemed that there was never an in-between with their neighbors due south. 

He arrived at the Precinct and entering the quietly efficient squadroom. He asked the provinicial sergeant at the desk for the whereabouts of the visiting American officer. 

"Oh, yeah, you're gonna like this guy." The sergeant waved toward a short hallway behind him. "Through those doors, down the hall, third room on your right. He's in the break room." 

"Thank you kindly." Ben started to go around the desk, then paused. "Oh, do you know his name?" 

"You can't miss him. Just look for Armani." 

Ben nodded and headed down the hall. 

Before he reached the break room, the sounds of laughter could be heard. He heard an unmistakably Yankee accent. 

He stood in the entranceway and heads turned. 

"I'm looking for an Officer...Armani?"// 

* * *

Benny laughed quietly to himself at the memory of the reaction of the men, but most particularly of the brash, beautiful American who had been sitting in a chair regaling his Canadian colleagues with tales of Chicago policing. 

* * *

// _The sleek head turned and Benny nearly gasped. He was captivated by the most beautiful emerald eyes he had ever seen. Flashing a gleaming smile, the man laughed, those emerald eyes sparkling. Ben felt quite overcome at the sexual power of the man as he rose from his chair, graceful in his pearl-gray Armani suit, and extended a slender hand. The handshake was firm and warm._

Benny was in love.// 

* * *

Their romance had started quickly. In the heady days of 1979, gays were free to be open and just like their straight counterparts in courting and loving. The change had been so rapid from the pre-Stonewall days that men like himself and Ray drank in the sheer wonder of being alive. They could hold hands and walk down the street without instant censure. They were welcome at the best restaurants and could steal a quick kiss in the park if they wanted. 

The first two years had been spent in Toronto as partners. Ray's involvement in the liaison program was extended due to their excellent record of police work, and when he had gone back home to the States, they had depleted their bank accounts with frequent trips back and forth for weekends and vacations. 

Then Benny's father had been killed, and the hunt for his killers had brought him to Chicago. The unveiling of Gerard as the prime mover behind the killing had brought Bob Fraser's murderer to justice, but had frozen Benny out of the RCMP for turning in one of his own. He was punished for that by exile to America. 

Except that it wasn't punishment. His exile was in Chicago, and he and Ray had been delighted. 

He sighed happily as he looked at first photo that he and Ray had ever posed for... 

* * *

// _"So, this restaurant is supposed to be pretty classy, huh?"_

Ben nodded. "I have heard my fellow Mounties talk about it." 

"You've never gone there yourself?" 

Ben looked at his companion. It was a beautiful autumn day and they had chosen to walk. Ray had ridden the subway over, unsure of where to park his 'baby', which apparently was a car. 

"No, Officer Vecchio." 

Ray's teeth flashed in a grin. "We're going to be partners, Fraser. You can call me Ray." 

"Oh." Ben blinked. "Then please call me Benton." 

Ray smiled again. "How about...?" He thought quickly, then his face lit up like the sun. Ben's heart skipped a beat. "...Benny!"* 

"'Benny'?" 

"Yeah." Ray took a step back, cocking his head from one side to the other. Ben mirrored his actions. "You look like a 'Benny' to me.' 

"Oh." A sudden flush of warmth rushed through Ben, now Benny. "Thank you kindly, Ray." 

"You're welcome." 

*They arrived at //The Gold Leaf// Restaurant, the fancy exterior interesting to Ray. He liked the autumn-gold canopy over the entrance, and the brilliant green fronds ensconced in decorative stone planters. The windows were discreetly shaded by wine-red silken drapes, just the hint of the elegance outside reaching the peons on the street.* 

"Nice place," Ray said. 

"Yes." 

An elderly couple stopped by the entrance. "Young man," the woman asked Ray, "would you take a picture of my husband and me?" 

"Certainly," Ray said with a charming smile. He snapped the photo quickly and handed the camera back. 

"Are you enjoying your visit to Toronto, ma'am?" asked Benny. 

"Yes, young man. I...you're a Mountie, aren't you?" 

Benny proudly answered yes. 

"Oh, I'd love a picture of a Mountie! And you, too, young man. Stand right in front of the restaurant." 

Benny and Ray arranged themselves in front of the entrance, Ray putting his arm around his new partner's shoulder and smiling as Benny's lips quirked. The woman took two snapshots and handed one to them on the spot from the instant camera.// 

* * *

That first lunch they had shared together had been special and glorious. Their courtship grew out of a solid friendship. 

_And when the U.S. Supreme Court followed the Canadian Court in 1984 and declared gay marriage legal, we ran for it._

1984 had been the apogee of the gay liberation movement. Ironically, at the height of their triumph with the legalization of gay marriage, forces had already begun to maneuver themselves into place to begin the horror that proved to be slow and insidious. 

Benny shut the album, suddenly tired. He leaned back against the pillows and Dief whined. Benny patted his wolf's head, feeling drained. He heard a door slam and started to drift off... 

* * *

// _They walked in the early glow of morning, hands clasped as they traversed Queen's Park. Ray turned and smiled at Benny, the Mountie's heart flip-flopping. They were so happy. Benny's sapphire eyes sparkled and he leaned over for a long, delicious kiss. Ray returned it with fervor, and they parted with wide smiles on their faces._

_Benny had never felt quite like this before. The man he loved was frequently abrasive, loud, and opinionated, but he had a charm that overlay all of that, and the way he moved with such panther-like grace should be against the law. He was an American, and his fellow Mounties had warned him against getting his heart broken by an American. His father was horrified at the nature of the relationship. Despite the new freedom for gays, not everyone delighted in it._

But all that paled next to his Ray, the light of his life, the man whom he loved with all the fierceness of a heart that had been lonely for so long. 

Ray's green eyes were so bright, so captivating, so mesmerizing...// 

* * *

Benny sighed in happy remembrance, then a shadow drifted over his face. So different from their last time in a park. Grant Park... 

* * *

// _It was deserted in this part of the park. They had to be so careful now. Benny saw the pink triangle that Ray wore out of the corner of his eye but ignored it. It hurt to see a symbol once worn with pride, reclaimed from shame, now once again used as a symbol of shame. He held Ray's hand tightly._

It was quiet as dusk fell on this winter's night. Snow covered the trees and the ground, the path they had taken rough and difficult to traverse, but they had needed the privacy. 

Ray turned to him and they smiled. They came together in a gentle kiss, caressing each other with eager hands. 

Benny's ears pricked up at the sound of a twig snapping, but nothing followed the noise so he ignored it. He concentrated on kissing Ray. It had been such a long, distressful day... 

He heard another twig snap. This time he and Ray parted and turned just in time to see the hate-contorted faces of the teenagers spilling out of the woods around them, howls of derision and rage echoing in the quiet park. Benny and Ray turned as one, stumbling and running as they kept a firm grip on each other's hands, the hateful words hurled at them. Ray ducked a rock thrown at his head, Benny letting out a soft cry as a stone landed with force between his shoulderblades. He stumbled, Ray lifting him up and pushing him onward...// 

* * *

It had only been a miracle that they had escaped the howling hordes at their heels. Benny still shook at the memory. He closed the album, the pain in his chest lancing through him with a razor-sharpness. Dief whimpered and rested his head on Benny's lap, the Canadian gently petting his wolf's head as he held the hand with his wedding ring to his chest. 

* * *

End


End file.
